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BIOGRAPHIES for Career Personages - please assist


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#1 Han

Han
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Posted 25 February 2011 - 17:26

Hello Guys!
Our new Career is going to its final development stage, Core-testers have started Pre-Alpha testing of New Career generator. So… the wait is getting shorter.

However, we ask for the commnuities assistance once again. We need some assistance in the Artist Writing category. The New Career will have a certain feature where you will be able to choose a personal background for each career, this "personality" will have a Name, Age, Country, Photo and… Biography.

You will be able to select a biography from an existing list. We need help to create such default biograhies.

A Biography may be:
1. TOTALY Fictional - but it should be closely related with real world history, time and places.
2. SEMI-Real - you may take a real pilot biography and re-work it, but remove some details which can't be used UNIVERSALLY.

Biographies should be UNIVERSAL - this means that:
1. History which is contained by biogrpahy should be trunkated by Summer of 1916
2. There should be no victories, awards, ranks (except Second Leutenant or NCO in the middle of biography), promotions noted
3. $[name] tag instead of pilot Full name
4. $[firstName] tag instead of pilot First name
5. $[lastName] tag instead of pilot Last name
6. $[startRank] tag instead of pilot rank at the moment of career start
7. $[startRank] tag instead of pilot squad at the moment of career start
8. $[age] tag instead of pilot age at the moment of career start
9. $[startDate] tag instead of date at the moment of career start
10. $[birthdate] tag instead of pilot date of birth
11. <i>text</i> may be used for itallic text7. There should be more than 2500 characters in the text.
12. There should be <p> and </p> tags in the start and in the end of paragraphs

EXAMPLE (GBR pilot biography):


<p>Raised in Nottingham at $[birthDate], in age of $[age] $[name] joined the Sherwood Foresters at the outbreak of the First World War and was commissioned as a Second Lieutenant in October 1914. He learnt to fly in his spare time and gained his pilot's licence in October 1915. Transferred to the Royal Flying Corps (RFC), he undertook training at Central Flying School, where he was awarded his wings on 26 January 1916. In February, he joined No. 13 Squadron RFC at Marieux in France, flying reconnaissance missions before being posted in May to No. 11 Squadron, a fighter unit.</p>
<p>One more paragraph</p>
<p>One more paragraph</p>
<p>One more paragraph, and in the end should be noted $[name] have joined $[squad] in $[startdate].</p>


List of biographies needed/done:
British nobleman biography - we have one (Tom-Cundall)
  • British commoner/laborer biography - we have one (WWBrian)
  • British hereditary military biography - we have one (ElwoodJCat)
  • British writer biography - we have one (BroadSide)
  • French nobleman biography

  • French commoner/laborer biography - we have one (FlatSpinMan)
  • French hereditary military biography

  • French traveler biography

  • US nobleman biography - we have one (ElwoodJCat)
  • US laborer/farmer/miner/rancher biography - we have one (WWBrian)
  • US hereditary military biography - we have one (AJ94CAP)
  • US race car driver/celebrity/sports star biography - we have two (TheLawWon, LukeFF)
  • German nobleman biography

  • German employee biography - we have one (AJ94CAP)
  • German hereditary military biography - we have one (Haldane)
  • German sportsman biography - we have two (Laser, FlatSpinMan)
  • WHATEVER you may imagine for GER/FRA/GBR/US air forces pilot
  • - now we have: British scoundrel (FlatSpinMan)
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    #2 Cold_Gambler

    Cold_Gambler
    • Posts: 28

    Posted 25 February 2011 - 20:57

    Looking forward to helping by making some British and French biographies.
    Can you confirm that by "British" you mean Commonwealth (i.e. also Canadian, NZ, Australian, etc…)?
    _
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    #3 Jason_Williams

    Jason_Williams
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    Posted 25 February 2011 - 21:00

    Yes, you can make some Commonwealth biographies CG.

    Jason
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    #4 Han

    Han
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    • Posts: 6670

    Posted 25 February 2011 - 22:16

    Looking forward to helping by making some British and French biographies.
    Can you confirm that by "British" you mean Commonwealth (i.e. also Canadian, NZ, Australian, etc…)?
    _
    British - means pilot with any history on RAF / RNAS service.
    Same for other countries.
    ANy biography will be good. But most needed - first row of bios (which is listed above)with nation equal to country of service.

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    #5 Chill31

    Chill31
    • Posts: 1876

    Posted 26 February 2011 - 01:29

    does the language in which it is written matter? Does it need to be translated to any particular languages?
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    #6 CountRohr

    CountRohr
    • Posts: 167

    Posted 26 February 2011 - 05:28

    Can we make Austro-Hungarian, Italian, or Belgian personages too?
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    #7 Han

    Han
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    Posted 26 February 2011 - 07:37

    Can we make Austro-Hungarian, Italian, or Belgian personages too?
    Yes, look above on my post:
    Any biography will be good. But most needed - first row of bios (which is listed above)with nation equal to country of service.
    So this is means that if you will provide Belgian pilot biography - it should be described as belgian pilot on French/British service (or volunteer). And it will be included to the game.

    But MOST wanted biographies for now - are listed in my first post. If someone will write biographies from this list - it will be most useful.

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    #8 Han

    Han
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    • Posts: 6670

    Posted 26 February 2011 - 07:39

    does the language in which it is written matter? Does it need to be translated to any particular languages?
    It should be English. After we will receive all required bioghraphies - translation will be an additional thread.
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    #9 LukeFF

    LukeFF
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    Posted 26 February 2011 - 11:28

    Just a quick note about this line:

    <p>One more paragraph, and in the end should be noted $[name] have joined $[squad] in $[startdate].</p>

    It would be better for it to say $[name] joined $[squad] on $[startdate].</p>

    In essence, remove the have and change the on to in.
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    #10 BroadSide

    BroadSide
    • Posts: 2057

    Posted 27 February 2011 - 06:10

    Nice catch Luke! Keep up the great work!
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    #11 Han

    Han
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    Posted 27 February 2011 - 20:22

    So, have anyone created at least one biography? Squadrons are almost completed… But no pilots :-)
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    #12 Laser

    Laser
    • Posts: 1611

    Posted 27 February 2011 - 21:52

    Ok i'll break the ice.

    Is this good? It's based on Ernst Udet biography, and it could go to the "German sportsman" pilot category. Please correct for the english mistakes, as i'm not a native. I used these 2 sources:

    http://www.acepilots...i/ger_udet.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.acepilots...i/ger_udet.html and http://www.rottentom...t/biography.php" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.rottentom...s.com/celebrity … graphy.php

    =====================================
    Sportsman - German pilot biography
    =====================================
    <p>Born in Frankfurt on $[birthDate], $[name] was fascinated with aviation from early childhood. In August 1914, the Allgemeine Deutsche Automobil Klub appealed for volunteers with motorcycles. $[name] applied and was accepted, being posted as a "messenger rider", together with four friends. After he injured a shoulder when his motorcycle hit a shell hole, $[name] went to a military hospital. Later on, unable to track down his division, he decided to serve in the vehicle depot in Namur. It was there where he was adviced by officers from the Chauny flying sector to get transferred as an aerial observer. But, before receiving his orders for Chauny, he was sent back to recruiting officials.</p>
    <p>Trying in vain to get back to the fighting, he learned that if he were a trained pilot, he would be instantly accepted into the air force. Therefore, $[name] received private training through a family friend and obtained his civilian pilot's license at the end of April 1915. In the summer of 1915, $[name] joined the German Air Service, at the age of $[age].There he flew in the observation unit Flieger-Abteilung 206 as an enlisted pilot. He flew a two-seater Aviatik B observation plane, together with an observer pilot. Based at Heiligkreuz, they spotted for the artillery, relatively oblivious to enemy aircraft, as none were armed. On September 14, more than 15 kilometers beyond German lines, flying at 3500 meter, their Aviatik began to spin down. $[name] managed to stop the spin, the observer had to climb on the wing as a counterbalance and they finally glided and touched down just over the barbed-wire, on the German side.</p>
    <p>Later, they were assigned a bombing mission, in which the Aviatik was overloaded with bombs, extra fuel, machine guns and a radio. The plane crashed right after take-off when $[name] banked left. Both pilots were injured and $[name] was also sentenced to seven days' arrest for careless maneuvering. On the day of his release, he was sent to bomb Belfort with a lieutenant. One of the bombs, thrown by hand, went stuck into the plane's undercarriage, and $[name] had to perform aerobatics to shake it loose. After the Air Staff Officer heard about this performance, $[name] was immediately transferred to single-seater, Jagdflieger (fighter-pilot) Command Combat at Habsheim. It was December 1915.</p>
    <p>A new Fokker was sent to him but it proved to be defective, and it crashed into a hangar at first take-off. The first combat was a near disaster: when he met a French Caudron, he froze and could not fire. His goggles were smashed by a bullet and cut his cheek. He redoubled his gunnery practice, and on March 18, 1916, $[name] went up to 2800 meters to intercept a large flight of twenty French Farman and Caudron bombers. This time he kept his nerve and flamed his first Farman from forty meters. After a 300 meters dive to escape the other planes, he pulled out and spotted another lone Caudron retiring. Closing in he managed to knock out one of the bomber's engine, but afterwards his gun jammed and the French plane managed to escape. That night, the whole Habsheim Jagdflieger celebrated the successfull attack, in which five planes were shot down. $[name] joined $[squad] on $[startdate].</p>
    =====================================
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    #13 WWBrian

    WWBrian
    • Posts: 2418

    Posted 28 February 2011 - 00:09

    Excellent Laser!

    As you can see by reading any of my posts, I am probably the worst person to give English Grammer advice. :oops:

    However, I think you want:

    <p>Born in Frankfurt at $[birthDate], $[name] was fascinated with aviation from early childhood.

    to read:

    "<p>Born in Frankfurt on $[birthDate],…."

    …just like the last line properly reads - $[name] joined $[squad] on $[startDate].</p>"

    …or maybe even on might need to be in, depending on the date format?


    …and can we get an idea of the $[birthDate] (and any $[…date]) format the devs will use?

    If the format includes a DAY, then on would be used. If it is just MONTH or MONTH/YEAR, then in would be used.

    Or…you can remove the on or in completely to fit either way.

    ex: "Born 1-Jan-1890" also fits if "Born Jan-1890"


    Anyone else more proficient in grammer want to confirm?
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    #14 FlatSpinMan

    FlatSpinMan
    • Posts: 30

    Posted 28 February 2011 - 02:43

    This sounds really great. I'll try and knock out a few if I can.

    WWBrian - that's all good. A good question about the date format, too. That will make the difference.
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    #15 WWBrian

    WWBrian
    • Posts: 2418

    Posted 28 February 2011 - 03:28

    also, what is the format of the $[name] tag?

    Will you have a seperate $[name] and $[fullName] tag?

    It would be awkward to have a bio read:

    Joe Schmoe Williger III was born $[birthDate]. While Joe Schmoe Williger III was busy doing X, Joe Schmoe Willger III was also doing Y. But Joe Schmoe Williger III was Z in the end.

    ..it would read easier if it could be something like:

    Joe Schmoe Williger III was born $[birthDate]. While Joe was busy doing X, Joe was also doing Y. But Joe Schmoe Williger III was Z in the end.
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    #16 LukeFF

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    Posted 28 February 2011 - 07:03

    Anyone else more proficient in grammer want to confirm?

    That sounds right. It's going to depend a lot on what type of date format is being used. On is correct for a Month-Day-Year or Day-Month-Year format, while in is correct for Month-Year format.
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    #17 WWBrian

    WWBrian
    • Posts: 2418

    Posted 28 February 2011 - 07:04

    My first attempt:
    ( so be gentle :oops: )


    =====================================
    US laborer biography
    =====================================


    <p> $[name] was born $[birthDate] in the San Francisco Bay Area of California, his parents having emigrated from Ireland to America some time following the Gold Rush. Other than the fact that $[name] was an only child, not much else is known about the family. After the death of his parents during his youth, $[name] grew up a loner, relying only on himself and the recollections of his father’s wisdom.</p>
    <p> During the time after his parents died, $[name] earned money as a "newsie", buying and selling Randolph Hearst’s brand new local newspaper, “The Examiner.” $[name] made himself a small fortune, relatively speaking, as one of the only willing newsboys to sell his papers in the seedy nine-block “red-light” district of the Barbary Coast area in San Francisco. Having so many shady associates in his acquaintance by the time he was a teenager, trouble seemed to follow $[name] in everything he did. $[name] became used to being ill-received — and even disliked — by others throughout his early years.</p>
    <p> As a young adult, $[name] enjoyed solitary pursuits, such as exploring, shooting, and horse riding. But $[name]’s real passion started to develop — an intense interest in all things mechanical — after he purchased a newfangled Harley-Davidson motorcycle. Completely self-taught, $[name] learned both to ride and repair his machine with greatest efficiency. In the years that followed, $[name] gained a reputation as something of a Lothario.</p>
    <p>Then, in the early morning hours of April 18th, 1906, $[name]’s world would be literally shaken. A massive earthquake, followed by a three-day conflagration, would turn every location that $[name] knew into a huge pile of burning rubble.</p>
    <p>With nothing left to keep him in San Francisco, $[name] jumped on his motorcycle and began riding across the countryside looking for a new place to call home. With no readily available way to cross the Sierra Nevada mountain range to his east, $[name] headed south, finally ending up in San Diego, California, near a place called North Island. It was here, in 1910, that $[name] met a man named Glenn Hammond Curtiss, who not only shared an interest in mechanical things with him, but he also shared a great passion for motorcycles as well. </p>
    <p>During the summer of 1910, $[name] and Glenn Curtiss developed a close friendship. Swapping mechanical techniques, and motorbike adventure stories; Curtiss was the primary catalyst for $[name]’s new passion — aviation. Starting in February 1911 and continuing for the following three years, Curtiss employed $[name] as a mechanic at the new Signal Corps Aviation School on North Island, where he maintained the rented training aircraft used by Army and Navy aviators.</p>
    <p>Not content with just working on aircraft, $[name] developed a strong desire to fly them as well. Within a few short weeks, $[name] received his official pilot’s license. Flying became quite natural to $[name]. Just as throughout his life, he always felt most comfortable when alone. But through fulfilling a promise to his only friend, $[name] joined the war effort to become a military aviator…</p>
    <br><br><p> … and as of $[startdate], $[name] became a member of the $[squad].</p>




    …similarities between this charatcer and actual living persons is purely coincidental! :P
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    #18 Laser

    Laser
    • Posts: 1611

    Posted 28 February 2011 - 09:00

    Good question WWBrian, after we get the answers about 1. date format / usage and 2. full name versus name-only, i'll go back and edit the biography. Assuming that its type is what the devs want ;)
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    #19 EricForster

    EricForster
    • Posts: 358

    Posted 28 February 2011 - 13:58

    Hi fellas,

    As I mentioned in the No. 56 Squadron thread, I'm a professional copy editor: I'm having a look at each submission at the moment, if I may humbly do so…

    Cheers,
    Eric
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    #20 EricForster

    EricForster
    • Posts: 358

    Posted 28 February 2011 - 14:42

    American English Version 0.2; author: Laser; edited by Eric Forster

    Sportsman - German pilot biography
    =====================================
    <p>Born in Frankfurt on $[birthDate], $[fullname] was fascinated with aviation from early childhood. In August 1914, the Allgemeiner Deutscher Automobil Klub appealed for volunteers with motorcycles. $[lastname] applied and was accepted, being posted as a "messenger-rider" together with four friends. After injuring a shoulder when his motorcycle hit a shell hole, $[lastname] went to a military hospital. After recovering, and unable to track down his division, $[lastname] decided to serve at the vehicle depot in Namur. It was there he was advised by officers from the Chauny flying sector to secure a transfer to be an aerial observer. Before receiving his orders for Chauny, however, he was sent back to recruiting officials.</p>
    <p>Trying in vain to get back to the fighting, he learned that if he were a trained pilot, he would be instantly accepted into the air service. Therefore, $[lastname] received private training through a family friend and obtained his civilian pilot's license at the end of April 1915. In the summer of 1915, $[lastname] joined the German Air Service, at the age of $[age].There he flew in an observation unit, Flieger-Abteilung 206, as an enlisted pilot. He flew a two-seater Aviatik B observation plane. Based at Heiligkreuz, $[lastname] and his observer spotted for artillery. They were relatively oblivious to the presence of enemy aircraft, as none were armed. On September 14, more than 15 kilometers behind German lines and flying at 3500 meters, their Aviatik began to spin down. $[lastname] managed to stop the spin: the observer had climbed onto the wing as a counterbalance; they managed to glide down, landing just over the barbed-wire on the German side of the lines.</p>
    <p>Some time later, $[lastname] and the observer were assigned a bombing mission in which the Aviatik was overloaded with bombs, extra fuel, machine guns, and a radio. The plane crashed when $[lastname] banked too steeply immediately after take-off. Both Pilot and observer were injured, and $[lastname] was also sentenced to a weeklong arrest for careless maneuvering. On the day of his release, $[lastname] was sent to bomb Belfort with a lieutenant in the rear seat. One of the bombs, thrown by hand, got stuck in the plane's undercarriage, and $[lastname] had to perform aerobatics to shake it loose. After the Air Staff Officer heard about this performance, $[lastname] was immediately transferred to a single-seat scout, reporting to Jagdflieger (fighter-pilot) Command Combat at Habsheim. It was December 1915.</p>
    <p>A new Fokker E.III was sent to him, but it proved to be defective, crashing into a hangar on take-off due to mechanical failure. $[lastname] was fortunate to escape uninjured. Having been provided another E.III, $[lastname]’s first combat was also a near disaster: when he met a French Caudron and brought it into his gun sight, $[lastname] froze and could not fire. His goggles were smashed by a bullet and cut his cheek. He redoubled his gunnery practice, and on March 18, 1916, $[lastname] climbed to 2800 meters to intercept a flight of twenty French Farman and Caudron bombers. This time he kept his nerve and flamed his first Farman from forty meters. After a 300-meter dive to escape the other planes, he pulled out and spotted a lone Caudron attempting to flee. Closing in, he managed to knock out one of the bomber's engines, but his gun jammed and the French plane managed to escape. That night, the whole Habsheim Jagdflieger celebrated the successful attack: five planes had been shot down. $[name] joined $[squad] on $[startdate].</p>

    Queries (bolded in text above): “he was sent back to recruiting officials.” This is ambiguous: is he sent back to recruit officials, or is he sent back to officials who recruit?

    Laser, this is generally excellent: you should be proud of your excellent grasp of English, which exceeds that of many native speakers. Your correct use of the subjunctive is particularly nice to see. I made minor adjustments to the grammar, generally adjusting to participles in cases where they made the prose flow a little better. I made minor adjustments to preposition usage and some tricky aspects of when to use plural and singular with "meter(s)." I added a few transitional clauses to add some additional flow. Please see the query above and review the text.

    Awaiting your approval/adjustments.

    Humbly Submitted,
    Eric
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    #21 Laser

    Laser
    • Posts: 1611

    Posted 28 February 2011 - 15:26

    Many thanks for adjustments, Eric :) Also the praises for my good English are too high: i borrowed heavily from the two sources mentioned above the text, so the grammar comes from there; my only contribution was to borrow slightly modified lines from one or the other, and to blend them together. Let's hope that the variable $[lastname] exists :)
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    #22 EricForster

    EricForster
    • Posts: 358

    Posted 28 February 2011 - 15:27

    American English Version 0.2; author: WWBrian; edited by Eric Forster

    =====================================
    US laborer biography
    =====================================


    <p> $[name] was born $[birthDate] in the San Francisco Bay Area of California, his parents having emigrated from Ireland to America some time following the Gold Rush. Other than the fact that $[lastname] was an only child, not much else is known about the family. After the death of his parents during his youth, $[lastname] grew up a loner, relying only on himself and the recollections of his father’s wisdom.</p>
    <p> During the time after his parents died, $[lastname] earned money as a newsboy, buying and selling Randolph Hearst’s brand new local newspaper, “The Examiner.” $[lastname] made himself a small fortune, relatively speaking, as one of the only willing newsboys to sell his papers in the seedy nine-block “red-light” district of the Barbary Coast area in San Francisco. Having so many shady associates in his acquaintance by the time he was a teenager, trouble seemed to follow $[lastname] in everything he did. $[lastname] became used to being ill-received — and even disliked — by others throughout his early years.</p>
    <p> As a young adult, $[lastname] enjoyed solitary pursuits, such as exploring, shooting, and horse riding. But $[lastname]’s real passion started to develop — an intense interest in all things mechanical — after he purchased a newfangled Harley-Davidson motorcycle. Completely self-taught, $[lastname] learned both to ride and repair his machine with greatest efficiency. In the years that followed, $[lastname] gained a reputation as something of a Lothario.</p>
    <p>Then, in the early morning hours of April 18th, 1906, $[lastname]’s world would be literally shaken. A massive earthquake, followed by a three-day conflagration, would turn every location that $[lastname] knew into a huge pile of burning rubble.</p>
    <p>With nothing left to keep him in San Francisco, $[lastname] jumped on his motorcycle and began riding across the countryside looking for a new place to call home. With no readily available way to cross the Sierra Nevada mountain range to his east, $[lastname] headed south, finally ending up in San Diego, California, near a place called North Island. It was here, in 1910, that $[lastname] met a man named Glenn Hammond Curtiss, who not only shared an interest in mechanical things with him, but he also shared a great passion for motorcycles as well. </p>
    <p>During the summer of 1910, $[lastname] and Glenn Curtiss developed a close friendship. Swapping mechanical techniques, and motorbike adventure stories; Curtiss was the primary catalyst for $[lastname]’s new passion — aviation. Starting in February 1911 and continuing for the following three years, Curtiss employed $[lastname] as a mechanic at the new Signal Corps Aviation School on North Island, where he maintained the rented training aircraft used by Army and Navy aviators.</p>
    <p>Not content with just working on aircraft, $[lastname] developed a strong desire to fly them as well; therefore, within a few short weeks $[lastname] received his official pilot’s license. Flying had come quite naturally to him: more than anything else, flight gave him comfort, as he had always felt most comfortable when alone. When war broke out in Europe, $[lastname] asked his leave from Curtiss and applied to become a military Aviator…</p>
    <br><br><p> … and as of $[startdate], $[name] became a member of the $[squad].</p>

    WWBrian: great story! I'd like to see a bit more at the end on how he got interested in contributing to the war effort: did he want to join a French or British squadron but Curtiss just couldn't let him go until the US became involved? This would make for interesting historical narrative: Americans, and especially American aviators, had many weird ways to get involved - you've set up a possible tension with Curtiss, who will eventually have to give in. I think you could go a long way with having our aviator want to go, but not be able to until the US is forming its own squadrons.

    As far as the writing goes, I've smoothed the transitions and made minor corrections of syntax primarily. Your use of semi-colons was the most common adjustment I had to make (use them to separate items in a list or like a period, but to divide rather more closely related independent clauses than a period might.

    Never be embarrassed or ashamed of any work you produce: editors will always find suggestions for improvement. I make 5000-10000 edits in a 350-500 page book, written by a Ph.D.

    On a minor style note, I have produced em-dashes thus: as " - ", which appears to me an en-dash with spacing. Such are the limits of html etc.

    Awaiting your approval/development

    Humbly submitted,
    Eric
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    #23 EricForster

    EricForster
    • Posts: 358

    Posted 28 February 2011 - 15:32

    Revision:

    @WWBrian: It looks like the em-dashes came through in the final post, now with an unnecessary space.

    @Laser: Will you have a look at the sources and let me know where direct quotations are? We'll massage the words a bit and get it to a point of paraphrased prose.

    Cheers,
    Eric
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    #24 WWBrian

    WWBrian
    • Posts: 2418

    Posted 28 February 2011 - 19:48

    Eric,

    You ROCK! :D

    …English was always my worst subject throughout school. :oops:

    WWBrian: great story! I'd like to see a bit more at the end on how he got interested in contributing to the war effort: did he want to join a French or British squadron but Curtiss just couldn't let him go until the US became involved? This would make for interesting historical narrative: Americans, and especially American aviators, had many weird ways to get involved - you've set up a possible tension with Curtiss, who will eventually have to give in. I think you could go a long way with having our aviator want to go, but not be able to until the US is forming its own squadrons.
    Thanks Eric! I appreciate the encouragment.

    I intentionally left the ending a bit vague. My intention was that Mr. Curtiss thought this pilot was too good too not help the war effort, and thus attempted to persuade him to sign up. But our pilot, not being very "social" didn't like the idea of joining the military and having to "rely on others". So he joined through keeping a promise ( maybe losing a bet, like a friendly motorbike race - Curtiss held the land speed record for motorcycle from 1903 - 1920 by the way. :) ) and joined.

    so, the added:
    When war broke out in Europe, $[lastname] asked his leave from Curtiss and applied to become a military Aviator…</p>

    …doesn't quite fit if this bio is used for a later US Squadron career..

    Since, as you know, the American aviators joined the war both volunteering for the French around 1916, and also later through the US military in 1918 - I attempted to make the bio to fit either circumstance, by simply saying "joining the war effort".

    If I wrote more about being enlisted in the Army Air Corps - then it would not fit if the bio were used for a US volunteer pilot for the French, and visa-versa.

    Having the limitation of truncating the bio at 1916 also makes it difficult to keep timelines consistant when writing a US aviator bio. Perhaps a seperate US Bio and US_French bio would make it easier.

    …so I left the ending vague hoping it could fit both circumstances that way.

    Thank you again Eric for looking it over - I appreciate it! Please have a look at anything and everything I may submit! Heh, you could even consider it "job security", as I'm sure there would be much to edit in my posts. :lol:

    Thanks again!

    [edit:] I've cut and pasted your reccommendations. All except the last paragraph. As well as changed your $[lastname] tags to $[name] tags. I'm not sure we'll have a $[lastName] tag. Additionally, I changed newsboy back to "newsie" on its first reference - http://en.wikipedia....1899#Background" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://en.wikipedia....wiki/Newsboys_S … Background
    • 0

    #25 EricForster

    EricForster
    • Posts: 358

    Posted 28 February 2011 - 20:27

    Cheers, mate - glad to be useful :)

    -Eric
    • 0

    #26 Laser

    Laser
    • Posts: 1611

    Posted 28 February 2011 - 20:44

    @Laser: Will you have a look at the sources and let me know where direct quotations are? We'll massage the words a bit and get it to a point of paraphrased prose.

    Cheers,
    Eric

    Oh - maybe 2-3 short phrases in total are exactly the same, while the others are made from re-phrased or altered pieces. Perhaps somebody 'native' could want to go through the text and rephrase the story, to sound 'even' in style to an English ear. One source text, in its turn, is also based on Wikipedia. Or it can be let as it is, if it sounds good. I also wander about $[lastName], but honestly it should exist.

    BTW i made the biography because nobody wanted to start, i hope native english people would pop in and made some great biographies. I think there is a need for content first, even raw one, so don't be shy, nobody will eat you alive or shut you down :P
    • 0

    #27 ElwoodJCat

    ElwoodJCat
    • Posts: 8

    Posted 28 February 2011 - 21:20

    Hi Han,

    Posting in thread at your message…

    Would something like this work? Its an example of a US nobleman biography. The dates are kind of awkward since the US didn't enter the War until April 1917. Anyway, I hope it helps. I can do some others but I wanted to make sure this was OK before proceeding.


    <p>$[name] enlisted in the US Army Signal Corps in the spring of 1916 and was commissioned a second lieutenant in the Aviation Section. He acquired basic flight skills while a student at Princeton University, completing his flight training after his enlistment in the Army. Upon certification as a military aviator, $[name] was assigned as an observer/spotter for the Signal Corps. After several uneventful missions as a forward observer/artillery spotter, $[name] requested and was granted a transfer to fly single-seat scout aircraft in the First Pursuit Group.</p>

    <p>Born in New York City on $[birthdate] to a wealthy family, $[name] was raised in the upper class neighborhood of Manhattan in New York City. His father was a successful banker and financier, while his mother was prominent in the social circles of New York. $[name] was the youngest of 3 children, having a sister and a brother who died in early adulthood from tuberculosis. Active and adventurous as a boy, he was fond of horseback riding and swimming while spending time at the family vacation house in the countryside. $[name] was a good student and shared his parent’s sense of discipline and dedication. He routinely earned high marks in school and was always at or near the top of his class. Friendly, outgoing and gregarious, he was popular among his classmates. He was also a good athlete and enjoyed golf, tennis, hunting, sport shooting and most other outdoor activities as his studies allowed.</p>

    <p>During high school, $[name] developed a fascination for engines and machines and spent much of his spare time studying and working on automobile engines with friends. Some of his father’s many business connections gave him access to the new flying machines that were being demonstrated at a local airfield just outside the city. A friend of the family was a major investor in the Curtiss Aeroplane Company, and in the summer of 1914 he was able to convince the company’s pilot to take young $[name] along as a passenger in a new dual-seat aircraft being demonstrated by the company. This brief flight was to have a profound influence on his career and convinced him that his future was to be in the rapidly-expanding field of aeronautics.</p>

    <p>The United States entered the War while $[name] was attending Princeton University. Much to the consternation of his parents, he immediately discontinued his studies and enlisted in the US Army. While in flight training his instructors noted his leadership skills, his intelligence and his ability to learn quickly. He was initially assigned to the Signal Corps flying two-seaters. He performed well in this assignment, but yearned to fly scouts and requested a transfer. His commanding officer wrote on the transfer approval that: “young $[name] is a fine officer and will make a first-rate pilot. While he will be missed in the Signal Corps service, his talents lie with the Pursuit squadrons, where his steady nerves, attention to detail and leadership will be of great value”. $[name] joined $[squad] on $[startdate].</p>
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    #28 Mogster

    Mogster
    • Posts: 3919

    Posted 28 February 2011 - 21:51

    The dates are kind of awkward since the US didn't enter the War until April 1917.

    Quite a few US flyers did join the RFC/RAF often via Canada. Some before US involvement in WW1, some with other more interesting stories.

    I think It'd be useful to have an early war US RFC biography for those that want to fly as an American but with a longer campaign. Maybe this is already covered but here's some rl boigraphies from the Aerodrome.

    http://www.theaerodr...usa/lambert.php" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.theaerodr...usa/lambert.php

    http://www.theaerodr...sa/iaccaci1.php" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.theaerodr...sa/iaccaci1.php

    http://www.theaerodr...sa/iaccaci2.php" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.theaerodr...sa/iaccaci2.php

    http://www.theaerodr.../usa/beaver.php" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.theaerodr.../usa/beaver.php

    http://www.theaerodr.../usa/beaver.php" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.theaerodr.../usa/beaver.php

    http://www.theaerodr...sa/kullberg.php" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.theaerodr...sa/kullberg.php

    http://www.theaerodr...s/usa/coler.php" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.theaerodr...s/usa/coler.php

    http://www.theaerodr...s/usa/rose1.php" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.theaerodr...s/usa/rose1.php
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    #29 Han

    Han
    • Developer
    • Posts: 6670

    Posted 28 February 2011 - 23:53

    Ok i'll break the ice.
    Is this good? It's based on Ernst Udet biography, and it could go to the "German sportsman" pilot category. Please correct for the english mistakes, as i'm not a native. I used these 2 sources:
    http://www.acepilots...i/ger_udet.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.acepilots...i/ger_udet.html and http://www.rottentom...t/biography.php" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.rottentom...s.com/celebrity … graphy.php
    =====================================
    Sportsman - German pilot biography
    =====================================
    <p>Born in Frankfurt on $[birthDate], $[name] was fascinated with aviation from early childhood. In August 1914, the Allgemeine Deutsche Automobil Klub appealed for volunteers with motorcycles. $[name] applied and was accepted, being posted as a "messenger rider", together with four friends. After he injured a shoulder when his motorcycle hit a shell hole, $[name] went to a military hospital. Later on, unable to track down his division, he decided to serve in the vehicle depot in Namur. It was there where he was adviced by officers from the Chauny flying sector to get transferred as an aerial observer. But, before receiving his orders for Chauny, he was sent back to recruiting officials.</p>
    <p>Trying in vain to get back to the fighting, he learned that if he were a trained pilot, he would be instantly accepted into the air force. Therefore, $[name] received private training through a family friend and obtained his civilian pilot's license at the end of April 1915. In the summer of 1915, $[name] joined the German Air Service, at the age of $[age].There he flew in the observation unit Flieger-Abteilung 206 as an enlisted pilot. He flew a two-seater Aviatik B observation plane, together with an observer pilot. Based at Heiligkreuz, they spotted for the artillery, relatively oblivious to enemy aircraft, as none were armed. On September 14, more than 15 kilometers beyond German lines, flying at 3500 meter, their Aviatik began to spin down. $[name] managed to stop the spin, the observer had to climb on the wing as a counterbalance and they finally glided and touched down just over the barbed-wire, on the German side.</p>
    <p>Later, they were assigned a bombing mission, in which the Aviatik was overloaded with bombs, extra fuel, machine guns and a radio. The plane crashed right after take-off when $[name] banked left. Both pilots were injured and $[name] was also sentenced to seven days' arrest for careless maneuvering. On the day of his release, he was sent to bomb Belfort with a lieutenant. One of the bombs, thrown by hand, went stuck into the plane's undercarriage, and $[name] had to perform aerobatics to shake it loose. After the Air Staff Officer heard about this performance, $[name] was immediately transferred to single-seater, Jagdflieger (fighter-pilot) Command Combat at Habsheim. It was December 1915.</p>
    <p>A new Fokker was sent to him but it proved to be defective, and it crashed into a hangar at first take-off. The first combat was a near disaster: when he met a French Caudron, he froze and could not fire. His goggles were smashed by a bullet and cut his cheek. He redoubled his gunnery practice, and on March 18, 1916, $[name] went up to 2800 meters to intercept a large flight of twenty French Farman and Caudron bombers. This time he kept his nerve and flamed his first Farman from forty meters. After a 300 meters dive to escape the other planes, he pulled out and spotted another lone Caudron retiring. Closing in he managed to knock out one of the bomber's engine, but afterwards his gun jammed and the French plane managed to escape. That night, the whole Habsheim Jagdflieger celebrated the successfull attack, in which five planes were shot down. $[name] joined $[squad] on $[startdate].</p>
    =====================================
    Thant is cool, thank you! To be implemented. With EricForster corrections. Thank you Eric!

    My first attempt:
    ( so be gentle :oops: )

    =====================================
    US laborer biography
    =====================================
    <p> $[name] was born $[birthDate] in the San Francisco Bay Area of California, his parents having emigrated from Ireland to America some time following the Gold Rush. Other than the fact that $[name] was an only child, not much else is known about the family. After the death of his parents during his youth, $[name] grew up a loner, relying only on himself and the recollections of his father’s wisdom.</p>
    <p> During the time after his parents died, $[name] earned money as a "newsie", buying and selling Randolph Hearst’s brand new local newspaper, “The Examiner.” $[name] made himself a small fortune, relatively speaking, as one of the only willing newsboys to sell his papers in the seedy nine-block “red-light” district of the Barbary Coast area in San Francisco. Having so many shady associates in his acquaintance by the time he was a teenager, trouble seemed to follow $[name] in everything he did. $[name] became used to being ill-received — and even disliked — by others throughout his early years.</p>
    <p> As a young adult, $[name] enjoyed solitary pursuits, such as exploring, shooting, and horse riding. But $[name]’s real passion started to develop — an intense interest in all things mechanical — after he purchased a newfangled Harley-Davidson motorcycle. Completely self-taught, $[name] learned both to ride and repair his machine with greatest efficiency. In the years that followed, $[name] gained a reputation as something of a Lothario.</p>
    <p>Then, in the early morning hours of April 18th, 1906, $[name]’s world would be literally shaken. A massive earthquake, followed by a three-day conflagration, would turn every location that $[name] knew into a huge pile of burning rubble.</p>
    <p>With nothing left to keep him in San Francisco, $[name] jumped on his motorcycle and began riding across the countryside looking for a new place to call home. With no readily available way to cross the Sierra Nevada mountain range to his east, $[name] headed south, finally ending up in San Diego, California, near a place called North Island. It was here, in 1910, that $[name] met a man named Glenn Hammond Curtiss, who not only shared an interest in mechanical things with him, but he also shared a great passion for motorcycles as well. </p>
    <p>During the summer of 1910, $[name] and Glenn Curtiss developed a close friendship. Swapping mechanical techniques, and motorbike adventure stories; Curtiss was the primary catalyst for $[name]’s new passion — aviation. Starting in February 1911 and continuing for the following three years, Curtiss employed $[name] as a mechanic at the new Signal Corps Aviation School on North Island, where he maintained the rented training aircraft used by Army and Navy aviators.</p>
    <p>Not content with just working on aircraft, $[name] developed a strong desire to fly them as well. Within a few short weeks, $[name] received his official pilot’s license. Flying became quite natural to $[name]. Just as throughout his life, he always felt most comfortable when alone. But through fulfilling a promise to his only friend, $[name] joined the war effort to become a military aviator…</p>
    <br><br><p> … and as of $[startdate], $[name] became a member of the $[squad].</p>

    …similarities between this charatcer and actual living persons is purely coincidental! :P
    That is great! Thank you! To be implemented. With EricForster corrections. Thank you Eric!

    Hi Han,
    Posting in thread at your message…
    Would something like this work? Its an example of a US nobleman biography. The dates are kind of awkward since the US didn't enter the War until April 1917. Anyway, I hope it helps. I can do some others but I wanted to make sure this was OK before proceeding.

    <p>$[name] enlisted in the US Army Signal Corps in the spring of 1916 and was commissioned a second lieutenant in the Aviation Section. He acquired basic flight skills while a student at Princeton University, completing his flight training after his enlistment in the Army. Upon certification as a military aviator, $[name] was assigned as an observer/spotter for the Signal Corps. After several uneventful missions as a forward observer/artillery spotter, $[name] requested and was granted a transfer to fly single-seat scout aircraft in the First Pursuit Group.</p>
    <p>Born in New York City on $[birthdate] to a wealthy family, $[name] was raised in the upper class neighborhood of Manhattan in New York City. His father was a successful banker and financier, while his mother was prominent in the social circles of New York. $[name] was the youngest of 3 children, having a sister and a brother who died in early adulthood from tuberculosis. Active and adventurous as a boy, he was fond of horseback riding and swimming while spending time at the family vacation house in the countryside. $[name] was a good student and shared his parent’s sense of discipline and dedication. He routinely earned high marks in school and was always at or near the top of his class. Friendly, outgoing and gregarious, he was popular among his classmates. He was also a good athlete and enjoyed golf, tennis, hunting, sport shooting and most other outdoor activities as his studies allowed.</p>
    <p>During high school, $[name] developed a fascination for engines and machines and spent much of his spare time studying and working on automobile engines with friends. Some of his father’s many business connections gave him access to the new flying machines that were being demonstrated at a local airfield just outside the city. A friend of the family was a major investor in the Curtiss Aeroplane Company, and in the summer of 1914 he was able to convince the company’s pilot to take young $[name] along as a passenger in a new dual-seat aircraft being demonstrated by the company. This brief flight was to have a profound influence on his career and convinced him that his future was to be in the rapidly-expanding field of aeronautics.</p>
    <p>The United States entered the War while $[name] was attending Princeton University. Much to the consternation of his parents, he immediately discontinued his studies and enlisted in the US Army. While in flight training his instructors noted his leadership skills, his intelligence and his ability to learn quickly. He was initially assigned to the Signal Corps flying two-seaters. He performed well in this assignment, but yearned to fly scouts and requested a transfer. His commanding officer wrote on the transfer approval that: “young $[name] is a fine officer and will make a first-rate pilot. While he will be missed in the Signal Corps service, his talents lie with the Pursuit squadrons, where his steady nerves, attention to detail and leadership will be of great value”. $[name] joined $[squad] on $[startdate].</p>
    That should works GREAT! Thank you! To be implemented.

    Good question WWBrian, after we get the answers about 1. date format / usage and 2. full name versus name-only, i'll go back and edit the biography. Assuming that its type is what the devs want ;)
    Date will be added automatically and will be calculated from career creation settings (start date and personage age on the moment of start).
    Name - it's may be anything, player is free to enter any name for his own personage. By default it is profile name. But he may enter Manfred von Richtgoffen. Or Godzilla. Anything :-)


    Also, green is not means that no more biographies of this type will be implemented. If they will be different - they will be added too. But most needed the blue items from this list.
    • 0

    #30 Laser

    Laser
    • Posts: 1611

    Posted 01 March 2011 - 00:12

    Han, could you read also WWBrian's questions about $[name] versus $[lastName] ? It sounds bad to repeat the FULL name everywhere in the text. First it should be the full name, and next occurrences, only the last name (or, the 'nick').

    I presume 'date' is FULL date, so correct usage with it will be always "born on", not "born in".
    • 0

    #31 WWBrian

    WWBrian
    • Posts: 2418

    Posted 01 March 2011 - 02:28

    Han, could you read also WWBrian's questions about $[name] versus $[lastName] ? It sounds bad to repeat the FULL name everywhere in the text. First it should be the full name, and next occurrences, only the last name (or, the 'nick').

    I presume 'date' is FULL date, so correct usage with it will be always "born on", not "born in".


    Hi Laser,

    I think unless we are otherwise notified. I think it would be safest to assume any $[…Date] tag will follow the 18.11.1916 format (18 November 1916) as shown in this alpha version career image…

    Image



    …also since there was no initial differentiation between a $[name] and/or a $[sirName] tag, I suspect we will only have one, meaning of course, the biography may read somewhat awkward in some cases.

    But keeping this in mind might help future biography writers by taking that into consideration.
    • 0

    #32 Haldane

    Haldane
    • Posts: 9

    Posted 01 March 2011 - 11:08

    I have had a "bash", for the German hereditary military chap, its a semi-real combination of 3 characters.

    Aside from that, can I suggest a good source to check facts is the potted bios section of a book (I have)called "German Fighter Aces of world War 1" by Terry Treadwell and Alan Wood.




    <p>Born into a traditional seafaring family in Hanover in $[birthDate], following his Father and Grandfather before him, $[name], joined the navy as a cadet at the age of $[age]. After initial training he was sent to the Navy school at Kiel, where his skill as an amateur huntsman with a keen eye was recognised and upon graduation he was posted to the specialised instruction ship Blucher for further training as a gunnery officer</p>
    <p>After a period serving in East Asia aboard the battleship SMS Hertha $[name] was posted to the auxhilliary cruiser SMS Wolf touring the Indian Ocean, where he became fascinated with the workings of the ships’ seaplane in which, as the ships’ gunnery officer, he experienced his first flights.</p>
    <p>$[name] needed little encouragement to apply for a transfer to the German air service when, shortly after the outbreak of war, his commanding officer suggested that his gunnery and reconnaissance talents and obvious ease in the air would be of most use in that theatre of war. He quite literally “sailed” through training as an observer and was posted to FA(A).204 operating on the western front with the rank of Leutnant. $[name] was then sent for pilot training and, after graduating, was awarded his pilots certificate and badge and was set to continue as a reconnaissance pilot working closely with the army artillery batteries.
    <p>Four days into his new career however, during a mission over the Somme his slow-moving aircraft came under attack from a British scout and $[name] was wounded. He managed to land the aircraft but the incident sparked a decision to apply for single-seat fighter training and after completing his conversion he was posted to$[squad] in $[startdate].</p>
    • 0

    #33 FlatSpinMan

    FlatSpinMan
    • Posts: 30

    Posted 01 March 2011 - 16:32

    I see someone has already done the German -Sportsman one, but I have this ready to go so may as well post it anyway. It isn't exactly Sportsman anyway.
    I'm a bit concerned at the length. Let me know your thoughts on this and any other issues that strike you. If it seems alright, I'll get a few more done. EricForster - have at it! Proofreading is so hard to do on your own work.




    =====================================
    Sportsman - German pilot biography
    =====================================
    <p>Born an only child on $[birthDate] in Apia, the capital city of the then
    German Pacific island possession, Samoa, $[name] grew up tough, playing in the plantations with the local Samoan children, much to the dismay of his widower father - a civil servant in the colonial administration. In 1914, in a last-ditch effort to civilize him, $[name] was sent back to Germany by steamer to study engineering at university. However, the announcement of hostilities and an onboard friendship struck up with an expatriate German officer quickly changed his mind.
    He enlisted in the Imperial German Army immediately upon arrival in Hamburg. </p>

    <p>Due to his excellent physical condition he flew through the army’s tests and began training with his new regiment in 1915. Despite the unaccustomed cold and unfamiliar surroundings, his athleticism, initiative and stamina served him well in training. He became a machine gunner in the third platoon and quickly attained the rank of corporal.</p>

    <p>In 1915 his unit arrived at the front as reinforcements in the second Battle of Ypres. While marching up to the communication trenches they were detected by British aerial artillery spotters who directed devastating fire upon their columns. Without even firing a single round in anger, the regiment was annihilated on the spot. $[name] escaped with his life but was hit by shrapnel in both legs. Several months in a military hospital followed. Although able to walk relatively freely and despite his vigorous protests to the contrary, he was deemed unfit for frontline service and was assigned to the Staff officers' mess as an orderly.</p>

    <p>While serving in the mess, he encountered his former shipmate, now returned to the ranks and serving as a Colonel. Through his influence, $[name] managed to secure a transfer to the Imperial German Air Service as an aerial observer in an Albatros C-Ia. His previous gunnery training put him in good stead for this new role and he quickly claimed two hostile aircraft – spotters for British artillery. The thrill of flight grabbed him from the start and he began to campaign for pilot training.</p>

    <p> At the beginning of 1916, his commanding officer finally succumbed to his incessant requests and allowed him to be trained as a pilot. Although not the most diligent of students, nor the most natural of pilots, he nevertheless managed to graduate in the middle of his class. To his father’s further dismay, he was now officially a pilot. By this stage, the aerial war was beginning to take on increased significance and casualties on all sides were mounting alarmingly, and so it came to be, that on $[startdate], at the age of $[age], $[name] reported for duty to the Kommandant of $[squad]. His war was just beginning. </p>
    • 0

    #34 SYN_Bandy

    SYN_Bandy
    • Posts: 2599
    • LocationWishing I was in the La Cloche

    Posted 01 March 2011 - 17:54

    Hello,

    Is there a place in the 'Career Mode' for pilot biographies based on characters from historic fiction novels???

    For example James Bigglesworth of the "Biggles" adventure series by W.E. Johns.
    Or my favourite, Bartholomew Wolff Bandy from the Donald Jack series, "The Bandy Papers".

    Maybe just my opinion, but these well explored and developed characters would resonate with many RoF players. They would come complete with squadron name lists, dates and location, etc.

    Please let me know if interested and I will prepare Bart Bandy as an example…
    • 0

    #35 Jason_Williams

    Jason_Williams
    • Producer
    • Posts: 3466
    • LocationSouthern California

    Posted 01 March 2011 - 19:20

    Hello,

    Is there a place in the 'Career Mode' for pilot biographies based on characters from historic fiction novels???

    For example James Bigglesworth of the "Biggles" adventure series by W.E. Johns.
    Or my favourite, Bartholomew Wolff Bandy from the Donald Jack series, "The Bandy Papers".

    Maybe just my opinion, but these well explored and developed characters would resonate with many RoF players. They would come complete with squadron name lists, dates and location, etc.

    Please let me know if interested and I will prepare Bart Bandy as an example…

    Bandy,

    You're over thinking this. Please see Han's original post. If you want to make a biography based loosely on this fictional character ok, but what we need is not that in-depth.

    Jason
    • 0

    #36 WWBrian

    WWBrian
    • Posts: 2418

    Posted 01 March 2011 - 21:30

    ==================================
    British commoner/laborer biography
    ==================================

    <p>$[name] was born on $[birthDate] in rural Norfolk. He was the only son; and the sixth child of seven, in an English farming family. $[name] grew up with very little schooling – having dropped out of school at a young age to help his father tend the family’s land. Always struggling just to make ends meet, $[name]’s family would finally succumb to the rigors of farming just after the turn of the century.</p>
    <p> With the turn of the century in Norfolk, $[name]’s neighborhood would see many changes. These changes were primarily due to new developments in aviation. Huge parcels of land were acquired, and turned into airfields. One such parcel, was that owned by $[name]’s family. Seeing this as a golden opportunity, $[name]’s family sold most of their surrounding land to the British government.</p>
    <p> As a young boy, $[name] would become enamored with scanning the skies all day long, listening for the buzzing sounds of machines overhead. Over the years, he became unnaturally gifted at locating distant objects in the sky. Combined with his passion for vermin hunting, this combination would serve $[name] well in his future endeavors.</p>
    <p>$[name] developed friendships through the years with most of the local aviators that passed through, and it was no surprise that he too would learn to fly. His many friends would end up helping him out along the way.</p>
    <p>With the outbreak of war, $[name] joined the Royal Flying Corps, and reported to the Central Flying School, in Upavon. He was first assigned to No.2 Squadron, where he performed aerial spotting duties for the British Expeditionary Force in a B.E.2a.</p>
    <p> $[name]’s aerial prowess quickly became clear to those around him, and on $[startdate], $[name] was transferred to $[squad].</p>

    ———–

    Can one of our British contributors (or anyone with the knowledge, actually!)confirm the consistancy of this? Specifically this paragraph:

    <p> With the turn of the century in Norfolk, $[name]’s neighborhood would see many changes. These changes were primarily due to new developments in aviation. Huge parcels of land were acquired, and turned into airfields. One such parcel, was that owned by $[name]’s family. Seeing this as a golden opportunity, $[name]’s family sold most of their surrounding land to the British government.</p>

    …is that how it would have worked? My use of the term "British Government" seems vague. Was there a specific branch that would have delt with it? Does the paragrpah work? Would thay have bought it? Or just taken the land? I don't know the history well enough….so I kinda' winged it….is it consistant?

    Thanks in advance.
    • 0

    #37 Tom-Cundall

    Tom-Cundall
    • Posts: 5549

    Posted 01 March 2011 - 21:46

    British Nobleman

    <p>$[name] was born in Bishop's Stortford on $[birthDate] the younger son of a local landowner and minor-gentry, he attended the local prep-school before following in the family tradition of attending Eton. At the famous school $[name] excelled earning colours in both Rugby and Cricket and developing a keen interest in History and Mathematics. When at home during the long summers he enjoyed shooting and horse riding, as well as borrowing his father's motorcar illicitly - giving him a fascination with all things mechanical. </p>

    <p>Originally intending to pursue a Naval career in the family tradition, $[name] became fascinated with aeroplanes at a young age after seeing a flying display in Windsor in 1913. From that moment on all $[name] could think about was flying and along with his school mates they spent the days making paper gliders and discussing the almost daily news of aeroplane development and progress. </p>

    <p>On leaving school he applied to join the RFC as a young subaltern and after a brief stint training in Surrey, where he was nearly thrown out for 'borrowing' a Morane Parasol to fly to a friend's house near London, $[name] was sent to France to join $[squad] he was $[age] when he joined his new squadron. Settling in well to squadron life he enjoyed the thrill of fast flying and the camaraderie of the Officer's Mess. Carefree and fanciful $[name] is very popular in the Mess and with the local girls and often his cheeky grin is all that allows him to escape more serious punishment and trouble! $[name] and his friends often venture off the aerodrome to pursue the local girls in the nearby town's cafe, never missing a chance to try out their school-boy French on any girl with a pretty face or willing to sit with them as they drink wine and discuss the war and flying. </p>

    <p>On a recent leave he was shocked to see the privations and shortages the war had caused in London and the countryside where he grew up and sitting in his parents house he often heard thunder in the distance and thought of the guns and the risks his comrades took flying daily into combat and this instilled in him an anger for Germans that he brought back with him to France when he re-joined the brave pilots of $[squad]. This anger was increased when $[name] heard the news that his older brother, an infantry captain, had been killed by a shell near Ypres.</p>

    <p>Having formed close friendships with several other young pilots in $[squad] $[name] intends, after the war, to travel to the United States of America with some of his friends and join the barnstorming and display flying teams travelling the country. $[name] sees the war as a great adventure and hopes to use his skills as a pilot to one day visit Los Angeles and fall in love with a famous movie actress.</p>
    • 0

    #38 Han

    Han
    • Developer
    • Posts: 6670

    Posted 01 March 2011 - 22:31

    Han, could you read also WWBrian's questions about $[name] versus $[lastName] ? It sounds bad to repeat the FULL name everywhere in the text. First it should be the full name, and next occurrences, only the last name (or, the 'nick').
    I presume 'date' is FULL date, so correct usage with it will be always "born on", not "born in".
    Actualy, as i've said before - player will be able to enter anytning to his name. It may be a nick, not name. Or full name. Ir surename only or… anything.
    We have no separation to name and surename for player's personage.


    I have had a "bash", for the German hereditary military chap, its a semi-real combination of 3 characters.
    Aside from that, can I suggest a good source to check facts is the potted bios section of a book (I have)called "German Fighter Aces of world War 1" by Terry Treadwell and Alan Wood.

    <p>Born into a traditional seafaring family in Hanover in $[birthDate], following his Father and Grandfather before him, $[name], joined the navy as a cadet at the age of $[age]. After initial training he was sent to the Navy school at Kiel, where his skill as an amateur huntsman with a keen eye was recognised and upon graduation he was posted to the specialised instruction ship Blucher for further training as a gunnery officer</p>
    <p>After a period serving in East Asia aboard the battleship SMS Hertha $[name] was posted to the auxhilliary cruiser SMS Wolf touring the Indian Ocean, where he became fascinated with the workings of the ships’ seaplane in which, as the ships’ gunnery officer, he experienced his first flights.</p>
    <p>$[name] needed little encouragement to apply for a transfer to the German air service when, shortly after the outbreak of war, his commanding officer suggested that his gunnery and reconnaissance talents and obvious ease in the air would be of most use in that theatre of war. He quite literally “sailed” through training as an observer and was posted to FA(A).204 operating on the western front with the rank of Leutnant. $[name] was then sent for pilot training and, after graduating, was awarded his pilots certificate and badge and was set to continue as a reconnaissance pilot working closely with the army artillery batteries.
    <p>Four days into his new career however, during a mission over the Somme his slow-moving aircraft came under attack from a British scout and $[name] was wounded. He managed to land the aircraft but the incident sparked a decision to apply for single-seat fighter training and after completing his conversion he was posted to$[squad] in $[startdate].</p>
    Very cool, Haldane! I'be only removed [age] tag because this tag places date of career start, but by your text you want to use earlier date. Great! Thank you!

    I see someone has already done the German -Sportsman one, but I have this ready to go so may as well post it anyway. It isn't exactly Sportsman anyway.
    I'm a bit concerned at the length. Let me know your thoughts on this and any other issues that strike you. If it seems alright, I'll get a few more done. EricForster - have at it! Proofreading is so hard to do on your own work.
    =====================================
    Sportsman - German pilot biography
    =====================================
    <p>Born an only child on $[birthDate] in Apia, the capital city of the then
    German Pacific island possession, Samoa, $[name] grew up tough, playing in the plantations with the local Samoan children, much to the dismay of his widower father - a civil servant in the colonial administration. In 1914, in a last-ditch effort to civilize him, $[name] was sent back to Germany by steamer to study engineering at university. However, the announcement of hostilities and an onboard friendship struck up with an expatriate German officer quickly changed his mind.
    He enlisted in the Imperial German Army immediately upon arrival in Hamburg. </p>
    <p>Due to his excellent physical condition he flew through the army’s tests and began training with his new regiment in 1915. Despite the unaccustomed cold and unfamiliar surroundings, his athleticism, initiative and stamina served him well in training. He became a machine gunner in the third platoon and quickly attained the rank of corporal.</p>
    <p>In 1915 his unit arrived at the front as reinforcements in the second Battle of Ypres. While marching up to the communication trenches they were detected by British aerial artillery spotters who directed devastating fire upon their columns. Without even firing a single round in anger, the regiment was annihilated on the spot. $[name] escaped with his life but was hit by shrapnel in both legs. Several months in a military hospital followed. Although able to walk relatively freely and despite his vigorous protests to the contrary, he was deemed unfit for frontline service and was assigned to the Staff officers' mess as an orderly.</p>
    <p>While serving in the mess, he encountered his former shipmate, now returned to the ranks and serving as a Colonel. Through his influence, $[name] managed to secure a transfer to the Imperial German Air Service as an aerial observer in an Albatros C-Ia. His previous gunnery training put him in good stead for this new role and he quickly claimed two hostile aircraft – spotters for British artillery. The thrill of flight grabbed him from the start and he began to campaign for pilot training.</p>
    <p> At the beginning of 1916, his commanding officer finally succumbed to his incessant requests and allowed him to be trained as a pilot. Although not the most diligent of students, nor the most natural of pilots, he nevertheless managed to graduate in the middle of his class. To his father’s further dismay, he was now officially a pilot. By this stage, the aerial war was beginning to take on increased significance and casualties on all sides were mounting alarmingly, and so it came to be, that on $[startdate], at the age of $[age], $[name] reported for duty to the Kommandant of $[squad]. His war was just beginning. </p>
    Very cool! Thank you, FlatSpin! Yes, offcourse it will be implemented. I've gived a temporary header to it as "Sportsman from possessions". But it's better to rename it somehow another way, not sportsman :) Like "German xxxxx" (it will be not good if we will have several sportsmans in bios list, so let's chose other header for bio if originaly supposed name is allready used for other bio.
    Have you an idea about a header for this bio?


    ==================================
    British commoner/laborer biography
    ==================================

    <p>$[name] was born on $[birthDate] in rural Norfolk. He was the only son; and the sixth child of seven, in an English farming family. $[name] grew up with very little schooling – having dropped out of school at a young age to help his father tend the family’s land. Always struggling just to make ends meet, $[name]’s family would finally succumb to the rigors of farming just after the turn of the century.</p>
    <p> With the turn of the century in Norfolk, $[name]’s neighborhood would see many changes. These changes were primarily due to new developments in aviation. Huge parcels of land were acquired, and turned into airfields. One such parcel, was that owned by $[name]’s family. Seeing this as a golden opportunity, $[name]’s family sold most of their surrounding land to the British government.</p>
    <p> As a young boy, $[name] would become enamored with scanning the skies all day long, listening for the buzzing sounds of machines overhead. Over the years, he became unnaturally gifted at locating distant objects in the sky. Combined with his passion for vermin hunting, this combination would serve $[name] well in his future endeavors.</p>
    <p>$[name] developed friendships through the years with most of the local aviators that passed through, and it was no surprise that he too would learn to fly. His many friends would end up helping him out along the way.</p>
    <p>With the outbreak of war, $[name] joined the Royal Flying Corps, and reported to the Central Flying School, in Upavon. He was first assigned to No.2 Squadron, where he performed aerial spotting duties for the British Expeditionary Force in a B.E.2a.</p>
    <p> $[name]’s aerial prowess quickly became clear to those around him, and on $[startdate], $[name] was transferred to $[squad].</p>

    ———–
    Great! Thank you Brian!

    British Nobleman
    <p>$[name] was born in Bishop's Stortford on $[birthDate] the younger son of a local landowner and minor-gentry, he attended the local prep-school before following in the family tradition of attending Eton. At the famous school $[name] excelled earning colours in both Rugby and Cricket and developing a keen interest in History and Mathematics. When at home during the long summers he enjoyed shooting and horse riding, as well as borrowing his father's motorcar illicitly - giving him a fascination with all things mechanical. </p>
    <p>Originally intending to pursue a Naval career in the family tradition, $[name] became fascinated with aeroplanes at a young age after seeing a flying display in Windsor in 1913. From that moment on all $[name] could think about was flying and along with his school mates they spent the days making paper gliders and discussing the almost daily news of aeroplane development and progress. </p>
    <p>On leaving school he applied to join the RFC as a young subaltern and after a brief stint training in Surrey, where he was nearly thrown out for 'borrowing' a Morane Parasol to fly to a friend's house near London, $[name] was sent to France to join $[squad] he was $[age] when he joined his new squadron. Settling in well to squadron life he enjoyed the thrill of fast flying and the camaraderie of the Officer's Mess. Carefree and fanciful $[name] is very popular in the Mess and with the local girls and often his cheeky grin is all that allows him to escape more serious punishment and trouble! $[name] and his friends often venture off the aerodrome to pursue the local girls in the nearby town's cafe, never missing a chance to try out their school-boy French on any girl with a pretty face or willing to sit with them as they drink wine and discuss the war and flying. </p>
    <p>On a recent leave he was shocked to see the privations and shortages the war had caused in London and the countryside where he grew up and sitting in his parents house he often heard thunder in the distance and thought of the guns and the risks his comrades took flying daily into combat and this instilled in him an anger for Germans that he brought back with him to France when he re-joined the brave pilots of $[squad]. This anger was increased when $[name] heard the news that his older brother, an infantry captain, had been killed by a shell near Ypres.</p>
    <p>Having formed close friendships with several other young pilots in $[squad] $[name] intends, after the war, to travel to the United States of America with some of his friends and join the barnstorming and display flying teams travelling the country. $[name] sees the war as a great adventure and hopes to use his skills as a pilot to one day visit Los Angeles and fall in love with a famous movie actress.</p>
    Great, Tom! But i've removed [age] tag by the same reason as I've noted above. Also, I've removed the last paragraph because bio should stop on the career start event. Your personage may be killed on the second day of war, so we can't guarantie that your happy-ending of this bio will be truth :)
    Also, I've added "on $[startdate]" after [squad]

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    #39 Tom-Cundall

    Tom-Cundall
    • Posts: 5549

    Posted 01 March 2011 - 22:35

    Don't worry Han it's in the future tense so is only a hope for the future not a fact!
    • 0

    #40 Han

    Han
    • Developer
    • Posts: 6670

    Posted 01 March 2011 - 22:40

    Oh, Roger. Restored.
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